My Grief Challenges

Who did we see ??? May 16, 2013

!!!   Who Did We See   ???
My original post of this event , is no where to be found, so I am rewriting it, hoping my memory is close.
It must have been close to May 16. I was pre-tripping the bus and had been talking to Melissa. We were both trying to get back to life. Near the end of my bus checking, Melissa’s call cut out, a lot. I thought she had hung up, so I went on my way. We would touch base, ASAP. I made it through Elem run-was able to hide the tears. MHS run started fine. I was driving on 82nd,heading to the expressway.. I had cleared the Costco light, the dip, then I saw a young male walking on the path, he never looked up-strange, that close to a big rig-I sure look. He had on a white tee-shirt, light blue jeans-baggy. a baseball cap and hair like Shawn’s. His walk, the way he held himself, and his  facial features, there is no way it wasn’t Shawn-he never looked up. What I noticed is that there were no burn areas, he had both arms, all his hair, his nose didn’t have any missing cartilage, he was wearing tennis shoes-so his feet were fine, doing his Shawn walk-deep in thought. I know I gasped, tears fell, I had to keep driving. This scared me so bad.
You see, I had peeked into Shawn’s room-when told not to-when he was being put on the morgue table. The guy-he looked scarey-let Shawn’s head bang on the steel, cold, pillow-less table. Shawn’s head hit hard, I thought his neck must have broken-I haven’t told anyone- my heart sank as I saw how heart-less the movements of the medical staff were. How could they handle my precious child that way. It took every ounce of the energy, left in me, to not go in Shawn’s room and carefully ~~~
Anyway, how could there be a Shawn walking around as if never having been burned-deep tissue-over 73% of his body ? How could Shawn be walking around, just fine? I made it back to the bus lot. I went in to speak with D. I didn’t think I could drive the bus, just yet, I was too ???  Our boss overheard and said he would make sure all details were taken care of-he knew how pickly I was about my work record, he assured me that the time off would not affect my work record. He was going to be retiring in a few weeks and wanted to make sure EVERYTHING was done right so I was not to worry. And so, D helped me gather all my belongings, she spoke to dispatch, so I would not have to. As it turns out, my boss died the day of his retirement party.I miss him- he had been a support in many ways.
Later, that day, when talking to Melissa. I told her I hadn’t understood what she had said upon her arrival at school. She had been telling me that when she got out of her car, at school, she saw someone with a skateboard, he looked like Shawn. I gasped. How strange that we both had the same experience near the same time.  My hope is that some day Melissa will remind me of her side of that day.
Many have told me when these sightings happen, take them as a type of comfort. I had looked at it as God taunting me—I do not know why. There is not a lot of information about life beyond-in the bible. I do know,I do not need be so defensive.  At the same time, it is moments like that, which make it hard to let go.
Is this “the valley” ???


One thought on “Who did we see ??? May 16, 2013

  1. Teresa says:

    Kathy I think this is going to be a beneficial tool. I’m still thinking of you every day and praying for you to find comfort.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s