My Grief Challenges, Special Videos

Missin’ Zucchini Days December 24, 2013

You might find yourself asking-What in the world is “Missing Zucchini Days” about ?
As it turns out, on December 3, 2013, Bob (my husband) and I, were comparing childhood memories. Bob was raised in urban Oregon, I was raised in rural Idaho. Bob told me he was spoiled. No real chore demands and quite a lot of free time to do as he chose. He was recollecting about a family, across the street, and being able to frequent their pool, in the summer times, with no real responsibilities.
For my childhood, I was the oldest of 7 children. We all had tasks to do, on a daily basis, which rotated each week. Our summers were filled with many days of weeding a gigantuous garden. We had plenty of extra ***EDIT ALERT***my husband read this last night-12.30.13 and told me there was a word missing*** produce/ZUCCHINI, so we would load up the wheel-borrow or wagon and head down to the corner and sell our delicacies. What strikes me now, all the people we sold to, were folks who had their own gardens. I remember how thrilled we would get selling all our produce. How I wish I could thank all our precious neighbors for helping support us 7 millions during our retail days.  If chores were complete, a treat for us, older 5, was to walk 5 miles in to town, to the pool for a fun afternoon of swimming. The walk home was enjoyable-we were exhausted, but many times we could hitch a ride home with Dad, if we timed things right.
Maybe pulling weeds and other chores, while growing up, seemed burdensome, then,  but nothing compared to getting acquainted with Shawn’s goneness, a chore I would rather not have to do.  So, yes, I am “Missin’ Zucchini Days” !!!
A side note: zucchini dipped in egg and flour, then fried. Oh so good !!!   Hot zucchini bread with chocolate chips, and  smoothered with butter-deeelicious !!!     There is, also, a dish Mom made with zucchini, eggs and cheese-nummy nummy !!!

Last week was very tough-Bob was listening to a news show, it was talking about a little girl having gone in for a tonsillectomy, and is now, brain dead. The fight the parents are having  to go through to not have the machines shut off…My heart aches for those parents.  I know, first hand, the agony of being told I needed to decide how much longer I thought Shawn should be kept alive. I know how alone I was-I, also, knew I would assign mega doses of guilt to myself for giving in too soon.  The news report reignited my guilt, regarding giving the decision to the doctors, regarding Shawn’s last days.   A painful comment told to me, I need to accept it and move on. Really ? Do you have a clue ???

Did I fight hard enough for Shawn to have a chance at living ??? Will my heart ever have peace, again ???  Do folks really know what it is like to have to decide continuing another’s life-especially their own precious child ??? Am I not trusting God’s working through Shawn’s death ???
I know many parents have not had the privilege to be with their dying child. I was, of course, there for Shawn’s beginning, as well as, his end.    Yes, I’m “Missin’ Zucchini Days” !!!
That is all for this week. I am going to be sharing a cute video of Bob and our cute doggererdogs.

For now, K


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