My Grief Challenges, Special Videos

Sweet Little PorQ January 20, 2014

I don’t know why my thoughts were drawn to Sweet Little PorQ videos, in the middle of an extremely emotional week.

Someone had commented that it is not good to dwell on things, or replay events-it only makes the situation worse and harder to deal with.  I am so in the wrong. For me, any happening, in any given moment, my mind travels to the events that led to Shawn’s last days.  My heart is torn, often, as I miss, tremendously, my Shawner. I am so frustrated with the tear flows, which cannot change events. One song, I like, mentions beauty from ashes. How can anything beautiful come out of Shawn’s goneness ? I don’t understand all the emotions happening. Why can I not be cheerful or positive ? I do not like this current me.  

To add to a tough week, while driving my elementary run, I heard: sneeze, sneeze, and sneeze. Then the little passenger said: “Don’t worry, Mrs. K, my Dad said I won’t make anyone sick, today.”  I knew then and there what the outcome would be, for me.  I don’t mind colds, usually accompanied by sinus infections and sore ears-from poppin; because I blow my nose the wrong way. This time, though, I thought I was managing the cold, well. Friday night, I woke up, startled. I heard this awful gurgling noise. Shawn sounded like that a lot, I was so sure it was him. Was I dreaming ? Why was I hearing this noise ?  I finally, realized the sound was coming from my lungs.  I wonder why I associate everything to Shawn’s last days ?

Yes, I watched and re-watched the following PorQ video. Here was a precious little critter, dealing with the trauma of being abandoned, aIone, and afraid. I, so, wanted to comfort little PorQ. To his credit, PorQ was moving forward, with many steps of retreat, trying to face his new normal.  I was amazed that he came close enough to touch my phone, had he wanted to. I couldn’t believe how afraid I was. The quills looked like they could cause some pain. Then I wondered if it was possible to get rabies-or how?  At one point, when PorQ was too close, I thought,  I tried to, stealthily, take a step back. The fumble caused PorQ to run away.  It was not my intent to make him feel bad.  I really wanted him to know that I cared and wanted to bring him some sort of cheer or comfort.  
I hope you enjoy this video of sweet little PorQ.



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