My Grief Challenges

My Sugary Slippers August 9, 2014

“Sit quietly in My presence while I bless you. Make your mind like a still pool of water, ready to receive whatever thoughts I drop into it.   Rest in My sufficiency, as you consider the challenges this day presents. Do not wear yourself out by worrying about whether you can cope with the pressures. Keep looking to Me and communicating with Me, as we walk through this day together.

Take time to rest by the wayside, for I am not in a hurry. A leisurely pace accomplishes more than hurried striving. When you rush, you forget who you are and Whose you are. Remember that you are royalty in My Kingdom.

Psalm 37:7,; Romans 8:16-17; 1 Peter 2:9″

This was the read for August 5, from:  Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Last week I decided to write about my sugary slippers.  Then in my readings this past week I came across the above devotional.  It is my hope as you finish this read, that you too, will see, what I think is an amazing connection.    I have probably , the mentioned, previously, the projects I have going on: my exercise, dejunking, yard work, Shawn’s Memory Trail, the 2014 ornament and getting ready for school.  These have been taking a lot of time, with little accomplished. I am needing to set a time/schedule, so this year won’t end in a fail.                       The ache I have had for Shawn-is so painful. I dread each episode/trigger.   I cannot see how this pain can get better.  There are a lot more intense moments of realization that send awful jabs of pain to my heart.   This journey is so exhausting.   Yet, I am told it is time to move on.  No one seems to grasp the guilt that haunts me.                                                                  A few weeks ago, while talking to a friend about her difficult cancer journey, I determined that this year the scripture I was going to concentrate on is 1 Corinthians 13.  The poster I found has only a few of the verses, but enough for you to get the gist.  0ea9c4e16c7748baecdfb7c19be09977

 

The first phrase of the devotional at the top of this post: “Sit quietly in My Presence.”   Just what I need to do.    I hope you will be able to see how the devotional and my little tell, connect.        When I was on my summer drive, while at Dad and Mom’s, I had the strong desire to look up the house, in Troy, Idaho, where we lived for a short time, many years ago.   For years I have known where it was, just never had the guts to see if I could have a walk through.   This summer, I did.   Someone was home-she had only been in the house a short time, but  was gracious enough to let me walk through. I told her of some of my memories. The silliest was my story regarding the stairway.

 

         

Troy stairway

   The reason this stairway holds precious memories: You see, I am one of those who is not blessed with the ability to enjoy sleep,  During my growing up years, I dreaded the thought of naps. I had an even bigger dread of the night time sleep. What does a person do, when much sleep could be possible, but not probable ?            I will give a little tell of what I did.     In our Troy, Idaho, house,  my youngest brother Duane, slept in the crib. Marlin and I shared a twin bed. We were at opposite ends, often having foot fights.  There were many nights I waited to hear the calm breathings of my brothers, as they slept, deeply.  I could usually hear Dad’s snoring. and figured all were sound to asleep.                       My little self would go downstairs, with my slippers in hand. I would go to the cupboard where baking supplies were stored,…………………………… and put sugar, into one of the slippers.   Go ahead and gasp.       Who knows why or how I came to do this.     Anyway, I would go up the steps-the fifth one up from the landing.        I know, because, when I was visiting through the house, this summer,       I just knew the step.                   So, I would set my little self down, in the dark, and dip my finger into the deposit of sugar—I enjoyed myself thoroughly.   Just as simple as that. There was an indescribable peace. Like the still pool of water mentioned in the above devotional.

                                     master_ACR407                  This was the closest resemblance I could find of my slippers.  Mine were plain turquoise.         My Dad got a chuckle when I told him about my sugary slippers.           He said that I might have been 4. He was quite surprised at all I remembered from those days.   He was flabbergasted that I ate sugar out of my slippers.   Whatever !!!       Surely, I am not the only 4 year old to do that.         I wonder why I spent the time reflecting on the days previous happenings ?          Anytime I have recalled those sugary slipper moments, there has been a most unbelievable peace.        Lately, with some of the issues with missing Shawn: the various triggers, feeling like I am walking on eggshells— being careful not to mention anything about the past couple of years-so folks won’t feel they need to tell me to move on, the dread of realization-the terrible ache it creates.     The memory of the calm of those stairway moments, has been a blessing, some 50 years ago.   The ways God works in our lives, makes me sigh.

*** Dejunking: I was able to get another container sorted through. I am adding a couple of links a friend told me about.  May there be some helpful ideas.                         My process is going to be slow. I have several different tasks to complete and need to make a plan. I do not want to get to a point where I am so frustrated that nothing gets completed. 

http://theorganizerlady.blogspot.com/

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*** My walk it off in 33 days, has been wonderful, fun, and even though the weight is not shedding, I hope to have more stamina.

July 29: !,  30: !,  31: !, August !: !,  2: ! . = 5

August 4-9 !!! =6.  11 out of 33 !!!

 

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