I am thankful for this time of year, all the joy , hope and love that is prominent. That being said, I am still, going to keep posting which ever issue has been a bother that particular week. I may as well let folks know that Christmas card ornaments will not be sent for a few months. For some reason this year has been harder than last year. I was told it is because last year I was still in shock. This year, reality slams or triggers are everywhere. Last year I did not work the week of the fire, Shawn’s b.day or his death day. I will go back to that plan . I need to train myself to not let so many things hit me so hard. Here is an example: A week ago, we had some very windy weather. Our bus radios were affected, communication was blotchy. I had just finished my last drop, I was on a very narrow, curvy road. I heard: Summer, fire, truck, maybe a few other words, but these are the ones that cut me to the quick. In panic mode I called over the radio for more details-thinking my house was on fire. I am profusely ashamed that I used the radio for a panic moment when there were more important details that needed to be called out. I did apologize. I asked one of my helper friends what happened. It was explained that those words are triggers. I had no clue. I have known that sirens, alarms, and seeing fires set me off, but words ? I get quite upset at myself for letting various things rule me. Apparently, it is just another rut in my grief journey path. Sometimes I wish God would let some of you stronger people trade places with me, if only for a short break. So, if I haven’t already said it, I apologize, to the utmost, for my being so weak—I call myself God’s biggest wimp.
For this post, I ask several folks to give me feedback regarding how they have gone through the grief process, during holidays. Some have personal experience, some are grieving with a griever. For some the loss is fairly recent, for others it has been several years ago.
One of my grieving friends gave me this response: ” It is a pleasure to be able to help other grievers who at a different stage of the grief journey. and it is encouraging to think I could help someone else. ” “Be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel like you have to do all the things you used to do. Your life has changed and it is okay if your traditions for the holiday season change.” “We buy decorations for the children, we talk about the children, hang stockings…We help other children. Is the big one…we share the love we had for them, helping another child smile. We buy ornaments with something they liked, like ice skates or there names…We decorate their gardens…We remember them with all our LOVE to Heaven and back. We play music! We do what they loved to do. It helps us feel them with us. Love is eternal! Death can’t steal our LOVE! It gets deeper! It reaches Heaven! Hope that helps..helping someone else helps you. Don’t feel you have to be bridled by traditions or dates. Don’t be overwhelmed by expectations from others. Do only if you are up to the task. Do only if you like what needs to be done one does not want to have the negative unfulfilling memory where there could be joy. Maybe it is good to find ways to include the help of others to listen ones load. Maybe finding a new way to celebrate if the reminders of the one gone are too emotionally challenging. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t judge yourself too harshly when emotions take over. If someone extends a caring hand and you cant receive. Be thankful the person had the courage to try and care.”
A good song: https://www.youtube.com/user/greenshoestudioinc This Pastor’s Wife Wants You To Stop Sending Happy Christmas Cards. When You Hear WHY You May Agree!