My Grief Challenges

Ring In Snout February 7, 2015

                                                                                           2257f17d07bce56b282d06581dade180 (1)                I hope this will not be taken offensively. This is only from my perspective.       A couple weeks ago, I had to take a work physical.    There are some tasks required of  bus drivers that have a way of making one feel—awful. The work physical makes me feel awful.  I think the door leading to the place for my work physical should have had a photo of a pig with a ring in its snout. Here is my little tell:  I was lead to an area to check my weight and height.  I dread this, I have not lost like I wanted.  I was a little happy to learn I have lost 10 pounds.  I will not disclose the amount remaining to lose-but I will  keep plugging away.   10422023_10152278108298716_2759735759576360117_n     Maybe I should share this photo  at my next physical—as I was told-I have to have a physical each year, now, since I have reached the 55 mark. I do hope to have some weight numbers down next time around.               Well,  anyway,  I was led into the patient room.  Blood pressure was a few numbers below the maximum. I was very glad.                         56d2c1bccc9e8ff5d3e79585faa8efbf (1)       I was told we were going to do the eye test next.        I wasn’t worried. I had had my eyes checked, during Christmas break.                  I was told to stand in front of the sink/counter area-facing it.  I thought this was a strange eye test. Then I realized, there was  a paper on the cabinet ,  just up and to my right. I thought I was going tho have to read the paper while facing forward.  As I was standing there readying for the eye test, I was told to put my hand over the ear opposite of the nurse. Which I did, then I turned to ask how my hand over my ear had anything to do with my eye test ?      She chuckled and said she had changed her mind and wanted to check my hearing, first.          Ring in snout.           I was then asked to repeat whispered phrases-I aced them.                                I was led out the door and told to head down the hall.    I was quickly halted when I was asked what color something was. As the nurse pointed to the door and then her finger ran down 5 painted arrows.  I was unsure what she was pointing to, as her finger had not stopped on anything.   She explained she decided to check me for color blindness. Her finger finally landed on a yellow arrow.       Ring in snout.         I was led down the hall. This is where  the eye test took place.                                                       We have been told that we need to be able to drag a certain amount of weight, a certain distance. I was waiting to do that, but was yanked away.         Ring in snout.        While walking back down the hall I asked if I was suppose to do the drag test.  The nurse said she didn’t know about that. While I did another test she would find out.                                     It was time to go back into the patient room—I call them that, because us patients have to have patience, waiting.   I was apologized to for things beings so mixed up, after-all,  I was the last patient.        There is a lot more I could share, but at least I  passed my work physical.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Plumb has a song “Need You Now” .   The words are very heavy                                                                                                                               and spot on.                                                                                                5cade8ebaa4299f5cb2e964e43916a33                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       I don’t know how many of you have had sinus surgery, or have had polyps removed from your sinus area.  Don’t worry I’m not going to get into gross details.  Well, I will share one thing. After my first sinus surgery was complete, the doctor was eager to give Bob the details. He also had something to show Bob.        First, my hub (husband)  doesn’t like gross things.   After my surgery, the doctor gave great detail to Bob, regarding the results.   Then, Dr. M. held up a container of what had been removed from my sinus area.  Bob said it looked like a bunch of green grapes that had been peeled.      Why didn’t those 2 men realize I might have wanted to see what had been taken from my sinus area ?   Oh well.                                                                                             At the return visit I do remember being told that the polyps above the bridge of my nose, attached to the membrane, could not be taken out, because of the possibility of the membrane ripping.      I recall, very clearly, when it was time for polyp packing to be removed.                                              For me then,  is like facing grief reality slams , now.                                                                       When the packing was removed from the first nostril,  I  didn’t know what to expect.  I was given something to bite and was told to hold still.   There are no words that can describe the feeling or pain of the packing being removed. AND it took sooo long !!!       An awful dread filled my being as I was readied for the packing to be taken out of the second nostril.                                      Facing the pain from Shawn’s goneness, accepting it, and living -knowing nothing can change it, are like facing the packing being removed after sinus surgery.                                                                                               I had to have a second sinus surgery, in which, I had a Caldwell- Luc  Procedure. There are lingering affects. I would never recommend it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                db0cdf7efb9e040b82194da88ad40cfd      Regarding exercising: I have been doing a good  job loopin’.    Even in downpours.    I figured out that I am a slumpy walker.  Actually, I have been aware of that fact for many years.  Since I was very young, I was told to keep my shoulders back.    Apparently the airways open up better when shoulders are back. The kind of  asthma I have, there is  a dull pain  with each breath, so since I was very young, I have  hunched my back, for some reason  the pain seems a little less.    I am going to work at my walking posture.  In time I will add another lap. Friday, Bob (my hub) had the day off. He took me to work-early. He said he didn’t really have his day planned, so I asked him to loop with me.   I  doubt it was much of a workout for him.  Oh well, loopin’ works for me.                                     db791853377bedb14433b39df1aeef21                                                   e34634d479ba0c6d69d523b39012260f


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