My Grief Challenges

A Chuckle Moment April 11, 2015

 Wringer Washer   I have many moments where I feel like I have been run through my Gram Million’s old wringer washer.

God provided a chuckle moment, on April 1st, my Mom’s b.day.  Some of us bus drivers were in the area to get our bus keys. Our chit chat made one of the drivers remember a funny story, regarding a fellow driver.  

The original subject had something to do with stops unused, for months,  then suddenly being used.   We were told the situation happened on a cold and dark winter morning. The fog was fairly heavy.  The bus driver had driven by this particular stop for several months-no one had been there. This particular morning, the driver seemed pleasantly surprised to see passengers, at that stop. She activated the student load lights and waited. The passengers didn’t move. So, the driver told them to board. No movement. Not a word was spoken. The driver became agitated and, more forcefully told the passengers to get on the bus—she had a schedule to keep. Again, nothing.  As the driver repositioned herself, she sillily saw that there were no passengers. The shapes were figures in a nativity set.  

We all were busting gut  (laughing very hard) at this retell !!!   I cannot tell you how many times that day this story brought me chuckle moments.Treasures From the East

This same driver had told me of a situation with a squirrel, in their house and the funny events that followed. I love hearing her tell this story-it involves her husband and their son; before he died. I hope she has many moments of joy when she recollects the events that day and the strange (?) passengers, day. 

I shared this next event with my counselor.  He gave me my next assignment-as I took it.  Look for God moments;  it may be a beautiful moon, a singing bird, miraculous moments, or maybe even a chuckle moment.

Here is the tell I gave him.   It was Maundy Thursday, I seem to recall a beautiful full moon while loopin’ the bus lot.    ~~~ Oh, I am quite tickled with myself. A friend told me about keeping track of my steps while loopin’. I had told her that I was sure the bus lot was a longer distance than the track. I, now use: Walk Logger, an application on my phone. It has been so fun.    AND I was right. I do not need to force myself to try and make six loops of the bus lot—-I only need to complete 3 !!!     It has been encouraging to see how much I walk in a day.  I must admit, it is going to take some time to reach the suggested step goal,  I am about 3,000 shy. BUT, I am trying. ~~~

Anyway, Maundy Thursday started out with me being very anxious. So I sent 3 messages out. My sister who is having trying health problems, said she had had a very bad night. She and  I took it that that was the cause of my angst. Although, there was still a knot deep within my gut.  The other 2 responses came back as all was fine.

It was time for my afternoon run. The passengers seemed extra hyper. Today, I just didn’t need unsafe behavior. I mustered  on trying to not get too irkitated.

Finally, I was down to 3 passengers. With quite a bit more driving to do, I had the 3 rowdies move to seat #1, this happened about 3:03. The drive up and down the narrow winding road seemed uneventful. The noise from my passengers was bareable. I was approaching a 4 way stop. As per usual, I stopped the bus before the stop line. I checked the 3 roads, 2 times and then gave myself permission to proceed. As I was moving forward, I checked the road to my left-one more time. By that time, the battery door area was over the stop line. There was a car, approaching quickly. I could tell by the speed of the car when a certain paper box was reached,  that there would be no way I could clear the intersection, in time.

I am truly convinced that God paused time at about 3:11. He gave me time to visualize the different areas the car would hit the bus. I remember seeing the person’s face- I was certain they did not realize they were going to hit the bus.    I honked, for attention. Slammed the brakes. Set the brakes. Pulled the hazard lever.  I was preparing to look back to my left after the slam happened. I wanted to make sure all was ???      

Again, God paused time, long enough for me to beg with all my being: “Please God ! Don’t let that person be dead, don’t let that person have bad injuries !!! God, You know how hard of a time I am having dealing with Shawn’s death, I couldn’t handle the guilt of another person’s end . Please  !!!   I beg you that everything be alright,  please !!!”    I was beseeching with all my might. What would my eyes behold ?  I had seen the air bags deploy, the person jolt.   20150402_152602     When I  did look, the person was opening the door, and getting out of the car. Not a single mark.  Also, seat #1 was the safest place for my passengers.

A man approached the bus, about the same time a teacher, 3 weeks from delivery, was approaching. They wanted to know how to help = (comfort). The  firetruck arrived = (comfort).  Then the Sheriff came to the bus door = (comfort).   Other school people showed up. I am not sure what the fireman thought as many of us had not seen each other in quite some time. So they came to the bus not to just help, but to give hello hugs. The poor fireman waiting patiently at the bus door, ready to escort my passengers to their rides.                        I was nervous to let my passengers go around all the rigs. The fireman was so gracious in assuring me he would keep all safe.                                 Mind you, I have not viewed the video, but I am trying to be as accurate as possible.

So. In honor of my son, Shawn Paul David Apperson, I thank the Happy Valley: Fire Station, Police and Elementary School, for all their help, patience and kindness, in a time of stress.   I know this is what Shawn would want me to do.

 I hope my gratitude to the rescuers who helped  me, would some how reach the many rescuers who helped Shawn and his family. Their efforts allowed for some precious moments before  Shawn died.    

Sometimes God calms the storm... Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

Sometimes God calms the storm… Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

 

 

 

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