This was started on May 3, it is now May 5:
I am finding it hard to close this day (May 3) out. Facing reality is so tough, and there is no way to not face the realness of Shawn’s goneness. I sat by the decoration and listened to each of these songs 3 times.
I recieved a surprise call from Bob. It is, extremely, unusual for him to call me. I had muted myself from folks for 3 days and he was checking to see how things were going. He encouraged me to call Melissa-sometimes I get scared that my wimpiness will be too hard for her to take and she would rather not talk to me. I really do feel bad for her that I am not a wonderful super Mom. I feel bad that I cannot face life’s realities unshaken.
So, I shakily called hoping I wasn’t disturbing her. As it turns out, I think the both of us were having a hard time ending this 2nd year of Shawn’s goneness—knowing full well the turmoil we face knowing the void from Shawn’s goneness remains such a harsh reality. As it was, Melissa and I spoke well past midnight (May 4). I guess we both needed a boost from the other as the moments ticked by.
I told several folks I would go ahead and post more of the designs for Shawn’s Remembering Time. One more thing. I apologized to the Resort, in case folks had been offended. They were quick to tell me that folks who had checked out already found the designs, endearing. How about that ? I had seen a few, from my room, walk away wiping their eyes. There were some who came back each day, to look at the decorations. This May 3 photo: at left it says, We’re Missing You, to the right is a tee-shirt of Shawn watering their lawn. I had some made for the grands and Melissa.
May 4, PM The words are: A True Champion. All the displays I had taken photos with neat lighting, but I cannot get them to show up nice—in person they were really cool lookin’.Yes, I know, unhealthy. I hope you enjoy viewing my beach decorations for Shawn as much as I enjoyed setting them up.