Today I am sharing some issues I am dealing with:
Yep, the photo above, shows my comfort drink. It took me sometime to figure the ingredient amounts, for my taste. 3 of the Mocha and 1 of the Francais~not sure of the pronunciation. Since Shawn died, this has been my comfort drink~year round. I am unsure why this drink is so soothing for me. My nutritionist wants me to discontinue this product. I am having a hard time letting go. It is another Shawn connection. How do I stop ??? I was told why this product is so awful for me. There is an ingredient called hydrogenated oil.
Here is one link explaining what hydrogenated oil is: http://www.naturalnews.com/024694_oil_food_oils.html
I have been reading various articles, regarding hydrogenated oil. I am so sick to my stomach. My heart is so sad that companies put products into the things we like, that are destroying our health. I know my mocha drink has no nutritional value. I know my mocha drink is making my body have to work harder. I know I am not the one who profits from my buying of this product, in any way. Why then, oh why, am I having such a hard time letting my comfort drink, go ??? Silly me. I do not let anything go, easily ! Oh sure, my Kombucha is perky tasting~~~it is very good. I know my ginger, cinnamon and honey tea is very healthy for me, in a variety of ways. I know I need to drink plenty of water, for my cells to be happy. BUT !!!, my comfort drink~~~is so good !!! If only for an emotional fix. Oh, I have such a hard row to hoe. I want to do nutritionally valued eating and drinkings, but how ???
I was given an alternative recipe that excluded the bad hydrogenated oil. I have purchased many products. Thus, I am in a pickle. You might find yourself asking~~~Why is she in a pickle ? Well, in my endeavor to make a new and healthier comfort drink, I, now, have a BUNCH of products to figure out how to use and not waste. I am unsure how I will find the right combo of products that will fill the void of my comfort drink !!! I will leave this for now, but, when I do find a re-placer for my comfort drink~~~you can bet, I will be proclaiming it !!!
The next thing I want to explain:
Why my 14th b.day was such a big deal ? You see, my 13s were the hardest years I could ever have imagined. I know most of you have only 1~~~13th year, so it will be tough to understand, but that is okay. You see, my first 13th year was okay. I had been able to give Melissa a surprise b.day party. I will always love how thrilled Shawn was to be able to help, behind the scenes. It was precious.Then the fire. In my 2nd 13th, I had the worst Easter-which remains a non-discussed time. Then, Shawn;s death. Dealing with Shawn’s goneness, the guilt and some other tough issues. One of which was meeting my older sister Kathy, who died shortly after we met. On my 14th b.day, it was day #1033, of Shawn’s goneness. This day I also realized that I pass our old double wide-which had been moved from Johnson City-where we lived in it. I can see Shawn’s window, of the room that was his. I drive past it 2 times a day. I have a good view, from my bus. Sometimes, I just want to stop and see if the folks will let me see Shawn’s old room~~~just another Shawn connection, I guess. You see, I am God’s biggest wimp, but I did make it through my 13s, guilt and all. Most of this flooded my mind while I was loopin’ 3.1.’16
I am putting up this link, I found this article informative, regarding guilt. It is from: What’s Your Grief. http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/
I apologize, I am just going to stop here, today.