Audio is Available, My Grief Challenges

The Black Folder April 3, 2016

  the-black-folder.jpg.jpeg  The black folder

I tend to write numerous notes, daily. I am a scratch pad noteaholic.  Problem is, a note does not mean a task gets completed.  I ended up with my black folder full of notes of to dos and a couple of small baskets with the things that would be needed to complete various tasks. I found myself overwhelmed. One of my huge negatives: I can fit a lot in a little place.  I decided  I needed to sort everything into several  small baskets.  basketed-ready.jpg.jpeg   I figured it would be easier  to conquer my non-completed tasks.

Originally I was going to tackle a basket a day, but when one has no reserves,  one has to find a way to complete undone tasks, somehow.   So, I placed a basket near my laptop. Each time I worked on my laptop, I would need to take care of at least one thing from the basket. It worked. I was very happy with my efforts !!!  It did take me a few weeks. I also ended up with projects that need to be tackled during my summer break.  Now to make sure I do them.

I had come across this star, years ago.   20160402_093310.jpg I think it was meant to hold Christmas cards. Well, me being me, I came up with another use. I had some cute note cards which I copied down, size wise. Now, I have a cool place for all my to dos.  20160326_082025.jpg   There are still several places, open.  I have decided, before adding another card, to check and make sure nothing can be completed, right away.  I  am thrilled with this idea. 

With the overwhelm being conquered, I finally came up with a template for the 2016 ornament and the card idea !!! Usually, Christmas break is spent on the new ornament idea.   I now feel  like I am using my time more wisely.  I may, even,  look over the to dos and see if I can set goal dates, for accomplishment. I really want to make sure I do not leave too much to be done on summer break.

You may be wondering why this is such a big deal ?  Well, when I was told I am in a depression, it bummed me out !!!    So I set out trying to figure how to get out of this awfulness. I now find myself looking forward to finding more time to be able to add new and fun projects. Completing the many old tasks has been a good challenge !!!

A few weeks ago, my counselor said I need to have a collection of things that bring me joy. In a quick glance place. That was all he needed to say. This got my brain a thinkin’. It will be a fun project. I will share a photo when it is completed.

Oh and  just the other day my counselor told me that I am an over-thinker. Truth be told-I already knew that. So, I asked him how I could conquer that problem. He suggested that when I find myself over-thinking, to bundle up the thought and give it to God. Well, that got my mind workin’ on another idea. Both of these projects will have a wire heart as their framework.    20160626_213052.jpg

A few minutes after visiting with my counselor, I needed to get some routing questions answered.  While there I was trying to convince one of the workers that she needed to take a break and walk  a lap.

While waiting for her to get ready, I broke the news about me being an over-thinker.  I was hoping  they would impart some wonderful words of wisdom. Nope.  Instead, I heard 4 voices in unity say “so am I”.  I  asked each person what they do to not overthink. I was shown some non thinking games they have on their phones. One told me that at certain times of the year, when things are extra stressful, she has a notepad next to her bed. When she is mulling, she writes things down and then allows herself to sleep.  One of them told me the importance of admitting to overthinking. Become aware and put yourself in check, realize that control is the issue. Try to find a pleasure that distracts, even for a moment. Figure out the various things that stop the overthinking and, always, have them at the ready.             

It was time to hit the track. My friend and I walked a couple times around the track, then, I had us walk the straightway, backwards. I have been able to ignore her belly achin’ and various complaints. It is enough that when we are finished, my friend is chucklin’.

And now, I have to admit, I do not like this time of year. Shawn’s last days have become such a weight.  An endless agony.  I remember when I started staying with my cousin, the last few weeks before Shawn died.  It seems like it was about a 30 minute drive from her house to Harborview. I would leave about 3:30 AM, to avoid the horrific traffic in that area.   That meant for a lot of driving in the dark unknown. This was also the time when I found Air1 radio. The first song I remember hearing was by:  Capital Kings “You’ll Never Be Alone”                         I cannot tell you how many times that song played, to and from the hospital, no other time did I hear it. It was for me !!!

My Precious Child



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