Since Shawn died, I have had many folks tell me they do not know what to say or do to be a supportive friend. I say: just simply care. Bravely, lovingly, reach out. Many worry that they will make a griever cry~~~tears just happen !!! Folks need to realize there are many triggers. Folks need to realize it is going to take awhile until the grievers are at a more comfortable (?) state. I think most folks do try to encourage grievers. Words can be helpful, as long as one really thinks what they are saying. When someone was trying to encourage me, they reminded me of that poem: “if you love something set it free. If it comes back it is yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.” The person meant well, but, for me the words caused more ache. Another tough comment: I am one of those who blames herself for not having enough faith, for Shawn’s healing. It really hit when someone told me, before Shawn died, just have faith. There is nothing wrong asking a griever how you can pray for them. There is nothing wrong in asking a griever how you can be supportive. Just show you care. If you really want to know how they are doing, wait for a response.
Mail a card. Send a message. Pinterest has many posters that might speak to someone grieving. Any simple reminder of your care and concern, makes such a difference. Grief is a tough, lonely journey. Folks should reach out to the griever. Grievers are depleted of energy. Grief is very hard work, as grievers grow into the changes taking place in their body. These changes cannot be stopped. They come and go as they decide with varying intensities. Grieving is something a person’s whole being is doing to adjust to a goneness. It pops up unannounced. Grief causes one to be leery.The uncertainties are more pronounced. So if you want to help a griever: Keep it simple. Do not worry about having answers. Take sincere action. Remember the days that may be tougher for the griever. All in all: just simply care.
Hello folks. It’s me again, PorQ. I sure hope Kathy doesn’t mind me butting in. I just wanted to share a cute happening. It might help explain what Kathy means by: just simply care. Kathy is friends with a dear couple at work. Their son, Timothy, died April 18. A couple weeks earlier, Kathy and Linda had been talking about: cleaning carpets. An appointed time was figured for Kathy to drop her: Rug Doctor, off at Linda’s. This was a wonderful/providential happening. Kathy and Linda had exchanged~~~ phone numbers.
After Timothy died, Kathy sent messages to Linda and her husband. Words of encouragement, care and understanding. I know for a fact when Kathy pushed send, for each message, she was nervous. Did she state things. okay ? She was worried her words may have made the couple more sad. It popped into Kathy’s head of something unique to try. She put 3 items in a Ziploc bag, with a simple note of explanation. She knew a couple friends from work would be visiting the couple and could deliver the package. At the couple’s house, their daughter was preparing to go home. One of the things they realized they did not have at their house: tissue.
Yep, 2 boxes of Kleenex Cool Touch Tissues and . Kathy claims these tissues to be the best: soft, refreshing and strong. If one’s nose does get red, some Blistex helps and is healing. It was fun hearing how much folks liked the tissues. The silly gift, even brought some levity to a very emotional time. There you have it, an example of: just simply care. Bye for now, folks. I enjoyed our time together !!!
Several months ago I mentioned a couple songs by Kitaro, that are my grief songs. In no way is that meant to make it sound like those songs are depressing. For whatever reason, Kokoro is when the doctors had to talk with me about shutting off the machines keeping Shawn alive. Most of the rest of the song was my dealings or facing Shawn’s death. The end of Kokoro is when Shawn’s body was being pushed into the elevator and the doors closing-no more hope. Silk Road is the song that seems how I will be, later in life, once I, finally, accept Shawn’s goneness and my eventual end. I needed something that would draw out my emotions, for this time of my life. Sometimes I need to get these grief emotions out so I can better handle regular life situations. Somehow, I came across: “The Light Of The Spirit” by Kitaro: I hope this does not offend him. I am unsure why I gain comfort when I listen to these 3 songs, but they truly help relieve some of my agony~if only for a few moments. How grateful I am to have come across them~I still do not understand how it happened.
Lastly, this grief stuff is strange. I couldn’t figure out why things seemed so strangely achy. It wasn’t until I started looking at the calendar to see if I could make a connection. There it was, in June: the 1st, a Wednesday~the decision day was May 1. Then, the 3rd, a Friday, Shawn’s last living day was May 3. I do not understand why the calendar numbers made me relive the worst moments of my life. I believe it was a type of reality slam. How do I get above Shawn’s goneness and find a way to turn it to something good, or is that even possible ???
Near the end of my day, I heard, on the news: http://www.newschannel5.com/news/national/three-soldiers-dead-six-missing-in-high-waters-at-fort-hood-texas. AND, http://www.fox10phoenix.com/news/arizona-news/151819431-story. Both of these situations make my mind so sad. Then my mind remembered the rescuer who picked up Shawn’s burnt body and the crew, in the jet, who worked to keep Shawn alive, on the flight to Seattle. All those who put their lives on the line to help others. Yesterday, June 3rd, I was driving my bus behind a firetruck with USA flags on the back. These moments always give me pause to pray for ALL rescuers, here and abroad !!!.