Missin’ my older sister, Kathy.
My hope is to find him and meet him.
It seems like each visit I have with my counselor, he gives me a to do task. I end up turning the ideas into a project. I think I need to explain. A few months ago, it was communicated to me that I: 1. over~think, 2. over~care, 3. don’t trust. So, my counselor suggested that everytime I do one of those 3 things, write it down and give it to God. Well, my mind went into overdrive. I wanted to see if I could make hands that represented God’s hands, have note cards to write burdens on, slip the note into a cute little pouch and place it into God’s Hands. When I showed my counselor my project, he seemed almost speechless. This was after seeing Blotto’s Debut-which made him laugh, very hard. Anyway, I really like God’s Hands. For me, the physical act of giving something to God has more of a releasing than just saying it in my mind. There you have it, just another silly side of me. Now, to try to get my joy reminders idea completed~I just keep getting in the dumps and cannot see how God can make good things from my grief and all.
We were watching Longmire, with a friend. It was the episode when “Punk” was in the hospital because of a car wreck. She had made a comment about not being able to rest with her Dad starring at her. She was glad when he needed to go to work. Well, this started my guilt train a rollin’. Did I hover, too much, over Shawn and the few precious moments I had with my older sister Kathy ? I did not mean to stress them; did I ? I did not mean to be a butter-inner; was I ? I did not mean to over care; did I ?
It is, now a whole year since Kathy died. My heart keeps aching.