Audio is Available, My Grief Challenges

My Dad’s Words August 27, 2016

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I need to explain a couple statements I have made:

 First:   Last week I mentioned my Dad’s words. I believe they were providential. My plan when I got home was to do nothing~my heart was too sad. It would have been easy to wiggle out of the list I had made, but my Dad’s words kept running through my head.  No way could I let my Dad’s words go to waste. If I have room, in this post, I will share some of my projects. Also, I have been perplexed as to the why of my summer visits being sad ?   Melissa and I were talking after I arrived home from my shortened Spokane visit. She nailed it. Julys have been hard to get through because that is the time of year I had chosen to visit Melissa and Shawn, when we were first getting reacquainted. Our times together were so few in number.    Now with Shawn gone~~~

Second:   I have mentioned, more than once, about the doctors wanting me to decide about shutting off Shawn’s machines.  There was a time I thought the doctors didn’t give Shawn enough time to heal. Or maybe they just were not seeing something that might help Shawn. While Shawn was in the hospital, there were many battles I was facing. I believe that God has helped me not to have upsetness, regarding all those situations and people. So, I hope it does not come across that I am angry or bitter, with anyone involved in Shawn’s situation. God was and is still working.

~~~

For Memorial Day, I dug up and potted a rose bush.  While tugging out the rose, I felt a ripping in my right shoulder, almost 3 months ago. I can finally turn my head to the right with only a tiny pain. The healing seemed so long.          I had cut that rose way down. I was worried that it might not recover. My rose friend is in for a surprise. She does not know I dug the plant up. All she will need is help moving it. I cannot believe all the new growth.

~~~

In June, before school was over, I was trying to figure out what kind of item I could get for the grands, a Shawn reminder.  I do not want anyone to feel like they are living under Shawn’s shadow. I am happy that there are men who are willing to be Dads to children who are not their own. These guys are taking on a challenging roll.   It dawned on me that I might be making the new Dads  feel uncomfortable ?  What is my role ? How much do I try to be involved ? Is it okay to bring photos of Shawn, on my visits ? Am I a mother-in-law ? How do I act ? Does my presence make the new Dads nervous ?  How do I fit in, or am I suppose to stay on the sidelines ? It is a thin line.  Is it okay that I want my grands to remember Shawn ?  Is it okay to mention Shawn, while on my visits ?        I have tried to look up anything that deals with these issues. I guess I need to change my word search. I have been unable to find anything about how or what a grieving parent does when the grandchildren and their families are moving forward.  I have spent many moments hoping to find someone that could give me some advice or helpful ideas.

~~~ 

This summer, I have  not made a lot of progress on the 2016 ornaments. Oh sure, they are being refined, but I just do not have the enthusiasm to continue.  I did get several of Shawn’s photos sorted. I removed the little broken plastic pond,  and replaced it with a barrel fountain. I staged it under the ivy arch. The ivy Shawn planted for me. I am  using that area to stage garden decorations my Mom has made:

moms-birch-tree-decor20160709_190839.jpg.jpeg   some pics 043      My yard decoration 

 I planted Gram Millions, 70 year old (?), bleeding heart. I hope it will take root and grow. This is my 3rd try. I planted 3 curly willows behind the barrel fountain.    Shawn’s favorite plant was the Hosta. I have several planted in the fountain area.                 For several years I have been letting my Dwarf  Mondo Grass, grow. I wanted to have enough to plant around Shawn’s ivy area. I cannot wait until it all grows in, tightly.  The reason I love mondo grass: it is a very dark green perennial. It is used as a ground cover. It never needs mowing.        I tore up a slate path and placed recycled plastic tiles. It is very comfortable to walk on. I dug up an 8 ft tree and planted it behind our house. I dug up an ivy plant that had rooted out of its pot, hard work !!!

 20160821_172247.jpg  20160729_104518.jpg      Francisco removed a couple of trees. Which I replaced with my Quaking Aspen.  20160728_134627.jpg    The arborvitae, off the front porch, had grown tall. I could no longer stand the beautiful growth blocking my sunset views. So, I had Francisco cut them down to the top of the railing. I was so scared.        Since Shawn died I do not like anything blocking my outside views. Francisco and his helper had quite the chuckle moment, as I ran into the house to look out the window. It was like bars had been removed. I love it !!!  Plus, my mind has been in overdrive. The new flat area, at the top of the arborvitae, might be a cool spot for Christmas decorations.  

These FitBit awards are fun to receive.

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Phenomenal!
You’ve earned the Monarch Migration badge
Every year the monarch butterfly migrates 2,500 miles to warmer climates. With the same lifetime miles in your pocket, you’re giving those butterflies some hot competition!
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