Once in a while, I am able to surprise someone with something special. Several weeks ago, a friend told me he was selling tickets to a Southern Gospel concert. I didn’t need to hear anymore. My Aunt Alice loves those kind of concerts. I was so excited.
I told her what we were going to be doing on January 21st, a few weeks prior. She wanted to know what group. I hadn’t even asked. I was just so excited to come up with a unique gift. She had a listing of all the local events. As she was scanning through the dates, she let out a pleasant cheer. Turns out, The Booth Brothers are her favorite southern gospel group. Her joy was worth more than any “thank you”. My aunt was thrilled to learn that were going to be performing, as well.
My friend was at work, Friday. He is a trip driver. He asked if I was going to make the concert. Oh my word !!! It had been such a stressful week I hadn’t looked at my calendar. I called my aunt to make sure she had kept that day open. Turns out, she had other activities she was going to add into our day. We had a blast. We had lunch. We talked for quite some time. We arrived at the church, in time to get a parking spot, in view of the entrance. It was chilly and rainy and I did not want my aunt getting sick from our adventure. When it was time, I made sure my aunt hurried to pick out where she wanted to sit~there were A LOT of us ready to invade the sanctuary !!!
I loved all the talent. It is so fun to attend these concerts with my aunt !!! She claps and sings and gets so excited at the various songs she loves. So often it is hard to know what gift to give someone who doesn’t need or want anything. When the precious reactions happen, like my aunt had, words cannot express how happy my heart was.
For whatever reason, lately, I have been having an extra extremely hard time, with Shawn’s goneness. I do not understand why I cannot handle things. An example would be in intense movies: emotional hardships, meanness towards others, just plain ungodliness. I was worried my emotions would invade our fun time. Oh and, quite often, a word~a sound~an action, will cause a flurry of emotions, making the reality of Shawn’s goneness ever so pungent. I try to hide when the emotions brew over, but, sometimes it is hard to escape quick enough.
Thus far, I was pleased with my emotions, but something was brewing. The Booth Brothers were on stage. Michael started singing: “I know you’re hurt”. Well, that was that. I needed to escape. Here is a sample of the song: http://boothbrothers.com/song/he-heals/. Yep, God had to do that, have them sing a song that…hit ??? The only part I heard, as I made a quick exit, was: “He heals
Broken hearts, broken bodies, broken minds
By His love, by His blood, and in His time”.
Here I go again. Does God really heal ??? Cause He didn’t heal Shawn. My mind and heart are broken because I cannot bear the weight of the decision I had to make regarding Shawn’s end. The torment is so exhausting. I really do try to hide most of this anguish. The last phrase, “and in His time”. Can a person endure the turmoil, doubting and painful ache of a life taken too soon ???
AND when one finds a way to push forward, how does that person know how God wants to use them ???
I have seen many walk this path ahead of me. In fact, my dear aunt, is one of them. My Uncle John, her husband, died several years ago and she has survived. So, for now, I will let, whatever song God brings my way, be a type of balm. I will wait for my brokenness to be healed, someday, somehow.
I have learned that when I am at a concert, I tend to not clap, sing or do a jig. I am watching every movement and listening to everyone-on stage, causing me to not want to break the delightfulness.
I was thrilled to be able to sort-of see the drums being played, a few times. I loved how easy he, Michael from the Booth Brothers, played. It looked like the more he had to do, the more he enjoyed it. He put a lot of power in each beat. It allowed me to move beyond my aching beat.