Audio is Available, Just Sharin'

Loopin’ & Swingin’ January 28, 2017

 

 

Yep, I am still loopin’  !!!

Yep, I have been swinging my arms. I like this demonstration: https://youtu.be/Se-nqnB4sBw  

Over Christmas break, I saw a  Gwee Gym commercial: gwee-gym-lite_product

Yep, my Gwee Gym, is blue~~~less tension than the black one.  

As I was following along with the DVD, I knew I had to find a way to use the Gwee while loopin’. I have finally gotten to a place where I can swing my arms, all 3 laps and now I am ready to try something new. I have tried other products, but I needed something more practical, while on the track.  I still love loopin’. Fact is, I find it therapeutic. It is at the top of my list for the things I do to help me deal with my grief emotions.     

So, this past Monday, I gave the Gwee a test run. Yes,  I know that I am not using the Gwee, as promoted, but…      

With the Gwee behind my back, I grab the handles and stretch out both arms, horizontally.  I  put my arms through the cords. Even while wearing my winter coat and my Froggtoggs, there is enough cording to allow me to use my Gwee. ~~~ Oh shucks, I cannot describe this good enough. I will update with a couple photos, after my hub gets home from work. ~~~  

I did my normal arm swinging, with my Gwee.  I was, only,  able to make it half a lap. My asthma has always caused difficulties with much arm movement, especially anything above the shoulder level. It is going to take time, but I will push forward. Maybe by spring break I will be able to complete a whole lap. A cool thing, because of how I put the Gwee on, all I have to do is let the handles go ~ no holding, they are in place until I am ready to use them again. The less to hold, the better. It took a lap for my lungs to settle down. With one more lap I decided to try another idea. So, I put my arms out horizontal, palms down.  I did simple arm raises, up and down, slowly.  I was able to complete about a 1/4 of a lap.

I look forward to loopin’ time !!!

~~~

 I just received word about the death of a dear co-worker, so I will  share my other finds, next post.

 

 

 

 

Standard
Audio is Available, Just Sharin', My Grief Challenges

A Unique Gift January 22, 2017

   

Once in a while, I am able to surprise someone with something special. Several weeks ago, a friend told me he was selling tickets to a Southern Gospel concert. I didn’t need to hear anymore. My Aunt Alice loves those  kind of concerts. I was so excited.

I told her what we were going to be doing on January 21st, a few weeks prior. She wanted to know what group. I hadn’t even asked. I was just so excited to come up with a unique gift. She had a listing of all the local events. As she was scanning through the dates, she let out a pleasant cheer. Turns out, The Booth Brothers are her favorite southern gospel group.20170122_103004.jpg Her joy was worth more than any “thank you”.  My aunt was thrilled to learn that ehss_logowere going to be performing, as well.

20170121_171621.jpgMy friend was at work, Friday. He is a trip driver. He asked if I was going to make the concert. Oh my word !!! It had been such a stressful week I hadn’t looked at my calendar.   I called my aunt to make sure she had kept that day open. Turns out, she had other activities she was going to add into our day. We had a blast. We had lunch. We talked for quite some time. We arrived at the church, in time to get a parking spot, in view of the entrance. It was chilly and rainy and I did not want my aunt getting sick from our adventure. When it was time, I made sure my aunt hurried to pick out where she wanted to sit~there were A LOT of us ready to invade the sanctuary !!! 

I loved all the talent. It is so fun to attend these concerts with my aunt !!! She claps and sings and gets so excited at the various songs she loves.  So often it is hard to know what gift to give someone who doesn’t need or want anything. When the precious reactions happen, like my aunt had, words cannot express how happy my heart was.

~~~

For whatever reason, lately, I have been having an extra extremely hard time, with Shawn’s goneness. I do not understand why I cannot handle things. An example would be in intense movies:  emotional hardships, meanness towards others, just plain ungodliness.   I was worried my emotions would invade our fun time. Oh and, quite often, a word~a sound~an action, will cause a flurry of emotions, making the reality of Shawn’s goneness ever so pungent. I try to hide when the emotions brew over, but, sometimes it is hard to escape quick enough.

Thus far, I was pleased with my emotions, but something was brewing. The Booth Brothers were on stage. Michael started singing: “I know you’re hurt”. Well, that was that. I needed to escape. Here is a sample of the song: http://boothbrothers.com/song/he-heals/. Yep, God had to do that, have them sing a song that…hit ???   The only part I heard, as I made a quick exit, was:   “He heals
Broken hearts, broken bodies, broken minds
He heals
By His love, by His blood, and in His time”.

Here I go again. Does God really heal ??? Cause He didn’t heal Shawn. My mind and heart are broken because I cannot bear the weight of the decision I had to make regarding Shawn’s end. The torment is so exhausting.  I really do try to hide most of this anguish. The last phrase, “and in His time”. Can a person endure the turmoil, doubting and painful ache of a life taken too soon ???

AND when one finds a way to push forward, how does that person know how God wants to use them ???

I have seen many walk this path ahead of me. In fact, my dear aunt, is one of them. My Uncle John, her husband, died several years ago and she has survived.   So,  for now, I will let, whatever song God brings my way, be a type of balm. I will wait for my brokenness to be healed, someday, somehow.

~~~

 I have learned that when I am at a concert, I tend to not clap, sing or do a jig. I am watching every movement and listening to everyone-on stage, causing me to not want to break the delightfulness.

I was thrilled to be able to sort-of see the drums being played, a few times. I loved how easy he, Michael from the Booth Brothers, played. It looked like the more he had to do, the more he enjoyed it. He put a lot of power in each beat. It allowed me to move beyond my aching beat.

Standard
Audio is Available, Blotto, Endearingly Remembering Shawn, Memories To View, My Grief Challenges

Several Hallmark Movies January 14, 2017

 

20170102_172451.jpg 

I reread the post for Shawn’s b.day.  My apologies for being so glum. This was just a very tough Christmas season-the reality of Shawn’s goneness has been extremely piercing.

I watched several Hallmark movies, very few ended sadly. I do not know why I kept hoping I would find some hope,  for my situation, in their messages. None was to be found. I know my hope is in the Lord, it’s just that sometimes, when my heart is ripping,  I need some kind of salve. 

~~~

   I seem to miss the Christmas window display shows~or maybe those are not made anymore ??? I loved watching the creative detailing !!! It was my delight when I came across several Christmas light shows, on Discovery Family-dish #179. I was late in finding these shows. I recorded as many as possible.  I love all the ideas the folks have in mind. I found one I hadn’t deleted, “Extreme Christmas Lights Across Europe”. Mind you, all lights in the house, must be off~the effect is so much prettier. Hopefully, I will remember to check ahead of time and record ALL shows about Christmas light/decorating, next fall.

20170114_103844.jpg

20170114_103429.jpg

 

 

20170114_103201.jpg

~~~

I left for Rockaway, January 1, at 1 0 AM.         I figured most folks would be sleeping after bringing in the new year.  As I made my way towards the zoo, the road seemed slick and the left side was not safe to drive in-for me. I made my way to the right, as soon as I did, a car zoomed past me on my left.

I took the road towards Tillamook, off to my left a car had gone off the road into a ditch. I was determined to drive extra careful. As I approached the Pacific Coast Range, the road seemed to be worsening. It wasn’t long until I saw a line of cars heading west, ahead of me. There must have been about 20 of us. We were averaging 20 mph. I was grateful for the snow plow rig, at the front of the line.  I looked to my left, the east bound road looked awful.   All along the road was evidence of work that had been done quite a lot earlier that morning.   I was glad I was not car #1, I was the last one.  Then, a big pick-up came behind me. My drive became stressy. The pick-up driver was very antsy.  When we were at the top of the range, the snow plow rig pulled over~bummer !!!  

~~~  

  I had gotten to Rockaway too early to check in. surfside I decided to check the shore. It amazes me how different the beach looks at each visit. I was trying to figure where I would be doing my beach decorations. The water was almost to the stairs and was very robust. So, I decided to take Blotto and get a cute photo of a Christmas decoration in Garibaldi.

 

A crab cage Christmas tree, with lights, in Garibaldi

 

Blotto is on the Crab Cage Christmas tree.

 My main goal, while at the beach, was to get Shawn’s hospital photos off my phone.       cbaa0f59f5d08a1dd418b904d05a15b7

 

Every photo I viewed, I remembered clearly the moment it was taken. I was shocked as each image revealed the severity of Shawn’s situation. Up until then, a fact I could not give into. Shawn did not look like Shawn. I do not say this to be mean.  It was very difficult to look at each photo. When it came time to delete a Shawn photo, off my phone, my gut wrinkled. Each delete was another punch of reality regarding Shawn’s goneness~~~how I hate this grief journey !!!        Needless to say, it took me a long time to get through the photos. I thought I had gotten most photos, off my phone and  transferred to my laptop. When I checked my phone, several hours later,  all the photos I had deleted, were still on my phone. I decided to see if Bob could help me, when I got back home.

~~~

Frustrated with my problems transferring photos, somehow, I landed on some  I had totally forgotten:

Dad was showing Melissa all of his wonderful items. It was fun listening to them talking about everything !!!

I found a cow in Dad’s barn !!! This one needs no milking !!! Cute !!!

 

 

 

Tiger & Tuffy having a fun time exploring in this curious place.

~~~

On one of our no drive days, I looked up Facebook posts from Shawn’s Harborview days, I copied and moved them to a place they would be safe (?).

~~~

I think all the computer smart people (Microsoft, Apple, Google, etc.) who implement updates, do not get it: updates may be fine, but do not change my writings, calendars, phone lists, precious photos, etc. !!! If I want my stuff changed or deleted, I will do it !!! You techies need to learn how to not change my personal stuff when you are updating system workings !!!

~~~

   We have had some unexpected days off, because of bad weather. Just a side note. I have gotten tired of hearing how Oregonians are bad drivers in bad weather. Here’s the thing: we get freezing rain here, driving on ice is difficult !!!

So, all you drive-it-alls, lay off !!!

I have been grateful to not have to worry about my passengers being safe while waiting for the bus !!! 

 

        

 

 

 

 

 

 

Standard
Audio is Available, Just Sharin'

A Whole Year !!! December 29, 2016

 

CarMax

Displaying

That makes now the perfect time to thank you for being a CarMax customer.

From the moment you walked on our lot to purchase your 2015 Kia Soul, we hope you’ve enjoyed the ownership experience.

And remember, we never get tired of seeing familiar faces at CarMax, so please drop by anytime, whether it’s to service your vehicle, get an appraisal of your vehicle, or even to search for another vehicle.

20161104_084625.jpg

It is hard to believe I have had “My Focus Changer”, 2015 Kia Soul, a whole year !!!  How funny, I am, to find joy in my car.  

2015-12-28 13.06.32

Here is a positive from bad weather Wednesday, December 14, 2016.  A work mechanic helped me finish with my bus chains, I was probably an hour behind schedule. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to feel the bump of the chains and hear the sound of the ice breaking under my tires.  

I was on Monterey, bumper to bumper. It took more than five minutes to move a few feet. I had one passenger on the bus. Unusual for him, he was quiet and not jumping up and down. Suddenly, I heard my drunk squirrel ringtone. What should I do ?  I called out to my passenger to see if he could grab my phone. He was asleep. Looking ahead, I could tell that I was not going to be moving anytime soon. I set my brake and got up to fetch my phone. It was not work, it was my husband. He was stuck in traffic and was wondering how the traffic was my way.  He was trying to decide if he should get to my car and chain it or head home. I told him to get home, it was dark and the dogs needed to be taken care of. I was certain I would be able to chain my car.

Mind you, I bought chains for my car the night I bought it. I was sluffy and did not practice chaining my car !!!

At around 6:30 I parked my bus, best as I could into its park spot. I found a scoop thing in the shop and tried to find the back corner of my spot. I am in the first spot, buses drive around to get to their spots. It seemed a good idea to get as close to my spot as possible. Bob was calling me. He was at my car and had just finished chaining it ! Wow ! I was so thrilled ! I told Bob to get home, and get warmed up.  I wanted to see if there was any way I could help at work. 

No one needed my help. As I was walking past my supervisor, she was repeating a request from a caller… “you need help…”. I heard nothing else, went and grabbed another driver who was wanting to help. Middle schoolers were being taken to middle schools to wait for rides. There were about 500 students at the middle school, at the top of our entrance. When my friend and I entered the school we asked where we were needed.

My friend and I went separate ways. I ended up in the library. There were at least 30 students. I approached a couple ladies with I.D., sure they could tell me what to do. At that moment, several students entered the library. I was told to just wander around and make sure everyone was okay.  The time seemed to drag. Many students had left and I was told I was free to go.   Back at work, I asked if anyone needed my help. I was told to go home.

I told my supervisor that my husband had gotten the chains put on my car, did anyone need a ride ? She went to check. As it turned out, there were 3 people who had been stranded, for quite some time. How cool was that, I would be able to get some folks home. There was no telling when they were going to be able to get a ride.

I was bragging about my husband chaining my car for me. The girls were grateful, as well. I raced to my car, in hopes of getting it warm before they got inside it. I had a couple blankets, hoping that would ease their chill. As we were getting ready to leave, I told the girls that I wanted to test my chains. I was impressed !!!

Our first stop was a lighted intersection. I could not trip the light, so it took a while to get through.  The wait at the light gave me time to plan our route.  The first person kept telling me to drop her near the hospital, she would be fine from there. I insisted I was dropping her near to her door as possible. First one home safe.

The next 2 decided to go to the nearest home. Sunnyside was the only road we could take.  A lot of sitting and waiting as traffic was at a stand still. My passengers and I were quite surprised at the irrational behavior, under atrocious road conditions, some drivers displayed. I kept apologizing to my passengers, I was trying to make sure I had plenty of safe space around my car. Many cars around us did not have chains and were sliding, a lot.  Up ahead I could see lights flashing and cars moving out of the right lane. A white car needed towing-it blocked most of the road. 

Later in the evening, the district communicated when the last student was taken home. I prayed that all my co-workers were safe and warm.

20161214_221222.jpg

Bob had gone to bed before I got home. I was unable to settle down~I was, still, upset with myself for messing up my bus chains. I kept hearing crash noises out the back of our house. This photo does not show the mess of cars down that road. 

It was obvious, no school Thursday, our usual garbage day. Even though I had the garbage at the curb, I was praying that the garbage people would not have to work. I couldn’t see how anyone was going to be able to maneuver through all the stranded cars. I was thrilled when a call came through about garbage service being delayed a day. No way was I going to take my chains off my car, in case there was school Friday. Calls came in that garbage would be picked up next garbage day. Then, the no school call. I was very glad.      The ice and cars… suffice it to say that cars were being dug out Friday afternoon.  And thus, an early Christmas break !!!

Standard
Audio is Available, Just Sharin'

Hello Dad & Mom December 25, 2016

 

20161224_234212.jpg

Hello Dad & Mom, how amazing, 50 years ago, on Christmas you 2 were married !!! I remember very clearly when Dad asked Marlin, Duane and myself if we would like to have a new mom.

All of us Million siblings have been blessed. Your commitment to one another, through various trying circumstances, is a wonderful example for folks to follow. Your work ethics, are hard for others to be compared with. You provided well for your children. Dad, growing up, I do not remember you being sick and not able to go into work. Mom, how proud I was to show off the clothes you made for us. You 2, always seem to find room for more visitors.  Meals at the Millions, better than any restaurant !!! You have gone out of your way to help or visit dear ones.

I pray God bless you, immensely. I hope for answers regarding health issues. I pray all your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren would appreciate the special couple you are !!! Thanks for caring !!! Thanks for giving !!! Thanks for loving !!!

For me, I asked of you a very hard thing. You 2 will never know what a comfort you  were for me on Shawn’s last day. I am grateful you had the courage to be with Melissa, Shawn and myself, as we waited.  

I hope your love continues to grow~it is encouraging for all those around you.

I love you 2 and thank God He allowed me to have you as parents !!!   Blessings on your 50th anniversary !!! Lovingly, K

Standard
Audio is Available, FYI, Just Sharin'

My “Onspot” Chains December 17, 2016

Wednesday, December 14, 2016.  https://youtu.be/37XGQdltQDw

As us drivers were leaving for our afternoon runs, the snow had started blowing, some.  We were told  to drive our normal routes , no inclement weather routes. Okay. Many of our buses have “Onspot” chains or automatic drop down chains.   ONSPOT   https://youtu.be/EwLCOqIUvsU.

All my elementary passengers were loaded and ready to head to the next school. Many of my passengers leave and transfer to other buses. I am usually left with 35-42 students.

On the way to the transfer school I was nervous going down the steep driveway. There was no way I could get to the speed of 5 mph in order to activate my “Onspot” chains, so I proceeded rather cautiously. As soon as I gained enough speed I flipped up the cover and pushed up the lever to turn on my “Onspot” chains. How thankful I was to feel the bump of the chains under my tires and hear wonderful sound of the jingling chains. There were many cars, on that 10 minute stretch of icy road, that swerved in front of me. After all, who wants to be behind a school bus ???                  I am always thrilled that my chains may be breaking up the ice, making for better traction for those who follow in my path.

We arrived safely at our transfer point. “Onspot” chains do not have to be cancelled when the bus is stopped, when the bus starts to move again, the chains go into action. This time was different. As I was taking my left out of the school, I saw cars slide driving down the slight hill. I could not hear the any chain noise. Finally, they kicked in. I made it up the hill took a careful right and then the chains were quiet, again.    I was heading to another steep incline and a right turn. With no chain noise. I decided to take an immediate left. I wanted to get onto the main road  from a flat area.  The signaled intersection was awful for all vehicles.  I had given myself enough room to keep moving forward, carefully and slowly. I had not shut off my chains, they remained silent.  Then, I heard their pleasant jingle noise. I would be fine. After-all, my route had gone through such drastic changes that I didn’t have any bad areas to travel.  I started praying for my co-workers. My route used to cover many of the awful hills, many of them would be driving on.  Oh that my co-workers would be safe. Oh that all our passengers would be safe. Oh that those around us inside or outside of vehicles would be safe. The weather was getting worse and yet more worse.

My chains quit, again. I paced carefully. It was very slick. I had had many close calls-many cars had slid around me to avoid my stop sign.  I eased around a right corner, my chains were working again. I was able to proceed, ever so cautiously. As I turned my next right, there was about 20 feet when my chains sounded. They quit at my next left. I had a kindy stop coming up. I wanted her to be safe. As I approached her stop, I had seen a car slide down the slight incline I was to traverse. My kindy was across the road, safely on her way.

I was at the base of the incline. I had no way to get up enough speed for momentum to help me up the hill. There was a car behind me that had slid to a stop and avoided tangling with my bumper. I accelerated enough to not slip and got half way up the hill. Then I started sliding backward. For whatever reason, the car behind me had stayed back. I tried to move forward, but to no avail. I needed to get the bus to stop. Suddenly, it gripped and I set the brake. I was pleased to have missed a mailbox.

After many moments, it was told to me to chain up. By that time, a couple of cars, had almost hit me:  one slid down the hill while the other was proceeding up the hill.                   

I did not put triangles out, they would have slid down the hill.  I was getting anxious. I had, at least 30 elementary passengers, and they were very hyper. One of my kindys has a voice that carries over anything. He kept yelling: “We’re going to die !!!”.  The bus was secure. I put my keys in my vest pocket.  Not on the carabiner clip on my work badge ???HTS L0-273 1 Pc Purple 47mm Mini Aluminum Carabiner with 16mm OpeningI assigned 2 helpers to help keep passengers in their seats. I figured the less movement the less chance of sliding downward, more. I proceeded to chaining.

~~~

As far as chaining goes, at the start of each school year us bus drivers have a chaining day. I love chaining day !!! I do a great job. BUT: the bus lot is level/ish. I usually do not need a coat. The ground is not slick.  We also check our “Onspot” chains. This year mine were a little slow at stopping, but performed well after a couple tries.

~~~

As I was getting ready to put the chain over the wheel, a car came very close to sliding into me. 2 men came to help. BUT, I had gotten so flustered and my task kept being interrupted by cars sliding towards me, that I did everything wrong. Well, one thing I did right, I put chocks behind my front tires. My vest was too cold. I stepped into the bus to get my coat. The kindy was still repeating his phrase scarring his bus mates. I hung up my vest on the back of my seat.

I needed to refix my mess-up with the chains. The men were trying to help in whatever way possible. One car crashed into a bush and they were able to help that driver. 

Funny thing. All my bending under the bus, my wonderful glasses never fell off,  fogged up or got scratched !!!

One of the men and I were finishing tightening the chain on the road side. All of a sudden, a work mechanic, was approaching my bus-on foot. I noticed him when he slid towards me, there was no sure footing, on this area of ice. How did he know to help me ???     School helpers came and assisted with my passengers. Those precious ladies. Another lady offered to let all my passengers into her house to get warmed up. I had to explain that as a rule we are to not let passengers out of the bus until their designated stop. No one else can take a child unless we see I.D., they need to be on the designated list for picking up and we must be given permission from dispatch. Her kindness helped ease my tension.

The bus was chained, chocks moved to behind back wheels, in case sliding happened. The mechanic was sure the chains were tight enough, but he was going to move the bus forward enough to get me to a good place to continue my route. He needed the key. I couldn’t find the key~~~because I had not put it on my carabiner   HTS L0-273 1 Pc Purple 47mm Mini Aluminum Carabiner with 16mm Opening . I checked everywhere: pulled down my cover/rain pants. Checked my ski pants, shoes, coat pockets, under the bus. I checked everywhere I could thing of. A search was on. The mechanic had an idea. He was in the driver seat, I had sat in seat 2 to talk with the kindy who had everyone scarred. I stood up to talk to the mechanic. My hand landed on my vest.  I knew where the bus key was located. Yep, my left vest pocket.  

Were my blunders finished ??? Nope.  The mechanic told me to let dispatch know I was back on the road. The radio was very quiet. I was near the CTC when I let dispatch know I would be late to MHS. I could not figure out why there was no one else having problems. I noticed the word busy on my radio. For some reason I turned the volume knob-I guess the mechanic had turned the volume down and I didn’t realize it. It wasn’t long until I could hear the many problems. I felt so awful for everyone. My gut wrinkled with each difficulty. My guilt because of my ineptness grew~~~I never want to make things difficult for dispatch !!!   I am sure I did, that crazy Wednesday afternoon.  There is a lot more to be told, maybe another time.

I will end on this note: I am thankful for all our wonderful dispatch and all who helped out during the messy storm !!! Our mechanics are the best !!! How blessed for the many other workers that helped stranded buses !!! I am SUPER grateful that our passengers made it home safely !!! There were many that had to help behind the scenes !!! AND to my fellow bus drivers, all of you are special to me in various ways !!! I am glad this storm did not defeat you !!! I pray for all to find a positive in this HUGE trial !!! Blessings to ALL my co-workers at NCSD#12 !!!

... And all the kids said Yahoo!! :) ...Snow day, yay!

Have A Blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year !!!

 

Standard
Audio is Available, My Grief Challenges, PorQ

How I Hope~~~ November 12, 2016

hope


I have worked so hard to get Shawn photos sorted. It has been emotionally taxing. On my last group of  photos, I came across 3, which I had to enlarge for a better view. I kid you not, they were of times when Shawn was resting his cheek on my hand. I have no idea who took the photos or when. Those moments were very intense, as I was so exhausted. I had no other helpful thing I could  think of to do for my precious Shawner. How I hope my tired hand gave him some comfort. I will not share those photos. Shawn was so burned and I do not want his children to see them. Maybe when they are adults ???

~~~

I am reading a book: “A Son For Glory”, Job Through New Eyes, by Toby Sumpter. This is a quote from the top of  page 56:  “Yahweh of course knows what He is doing. He offers His son to be cut in order to be glorified. Just as Adam was cut, just as his rib was torn out, He offers Job so that He can create him again with more glory. In this way, we ought to understand Job as being “blameless” and “upright”as parallel to the evaluation of creation as  “good.” Job as he is introduced to us,is in the midst of creation. God sees Job and says that he is “good,” but we know how the Spirit loves to blow and divide and renew His “good” creation so that it can become “very good”.    Matthew West has a song; “Mended”. Do we get to see the “very good” that God is working in us ???

~~~

Stars Go Dim has a song; “Walking Like Giants”. One of the phrases,”through fire or rain”: I do not know why, but when I heard this phrase, I thought of Shawn. Well, before that I had heard another song about Jesus being beside us in the fire-I cannot figure out what song it was ??? BUT,  the tears came a gushing as I wondered: did Shawn feel God with was him, in the fire ??? I hope he didn’t fell alone. The fireman who recovered Shawn, found him in the fetal position. Truth be told, I think that position is what saved his life. How strange. Shawn’s birth was a very traumatic experience, for his little body. His death was a very traumatic experience, as well. Will I ever understand the why ???

~~~

Do you have a sanctuary ?  Do you have a safe or comfortable place ? Do you have a place where you can let your emotions flow freely, away from the rest of the world ? For some of us that space may be where we keep treasured memories, in hopes they (the memories of our loved ones) will never fade.

A friend was talking about her son’s room. You see, he died April 18, 2016. His Mom (Linda) was already at work when she received a call from her husband, Michael. Their son had died,  sometime, in the night. Michael had gone into Tim’s room to make sure he was getting ready for work or to say goodbye, as he was leaving for work. Something didn’t look right with Tim. Michael performed CPR, for some time, but he knew it was too late, by many minutes.

A few days before their son’s death, Linda and I had made plans for her to use my, Rug Doctor, before her upcoming surgery. Even though Michael and Linda were in the process of making arrangements for their son’s body, my friend still wanted to try and get ALL their carpets cleaned. I told her she could keep the machine as long as she needed.              One of our bus driving friends, her husband cleans carpets.  I was trying to find a way to be a support to them, as well.  So, the Comforts were going to clean my carpets. Comforts Carpet Cleaning Linda can go into Tim’s room and think about how to tidy it up.  It is still hard for Michael to walk past their son’s room. I think he is going through the PTSD part of grief because of his efforts of CPR on their son. I think, for quite some time, that room will be an agony for Michael.   Linda cleaned all their carpets, amazingly fast.                                  This past week when Linda and I were talking, she was mentioning some things she wanted to do in Tim’s room; like letting a friend  put up a TV up on the wall. Then Linda said that “Tim’s room is almost like a sanctuary”. Yep, she was right and then my mind started thinking. My little room has been my kind-0f sanctuary.                                                When our master bedroom became available, this past Memorial weekend, I never once thought what a great place for me to set up my exercise, sauna and craft things. Nope, I, immediately thought of making it into: Bob’s Project Room. I was able to move his things from my little room and fill the empty shelves with lot’s of my craft supplies. I hadn’t really put it together, but Linda was right.                                      You see, after Shawn died I couldn’t feel comfortable in our house. My counselor told me to find a room I could fix for myself . I had not realized until this past week that my little room is the room Shawn stayed in for a few weeks, several years ago, when he was trying to figure out where he was going to make home. His Grandmother, in Spokane, was dying so he went back to Spokane.   Why didn’t I  find ways to visit Shawn more or call more or do more for and with Shawn?         The room has a window that faces the west, and an alcove that fits my chair, a tiny shelf for my laptop and a footstool which holds my electric blanket. Someday when my menopause season, is over, I will once again enjoy my electric blanket.                 For whatever reason, since Shawn died, I have to have west facing views and curtains not closed.  So, for me, this little room is my safe place, a place where Shawn once slept, a room where I can freely shed tears and not worry about my emotions. A place where I can keep Shawn’s memory alive. Guess my counselor was right, that I needed a place of escape. My little room is a type of sanctuary~~~and there is nothing wrong with that !!!

~~~

porqs-blue-flower

Hello folks, PorQ here. Kathy mentioned going through photos. She has all my photos and videos, she just has not learned how to make various video helps to work. Plus, she has to do a fix on her Christmas card ornaments. All these things are extremely hard for Kathy, she will get it figured out, I just know it !!! PorQ signing out.

Standard