My family had rented a house in Seaside, for a week. So on July 9th, I had decided to head to Seaside, after church, by way of Rockaway beach. My plans were changed when I saw a lot of traffic, in both directions. Any spot that could be parked in, was filled. I drove through Rockaway figuring on coming back in a day or so. As I was driving, I was making new plans. You see, I was going to take photos of decorations for my “Prayer/Care Cards” and take photos for my “Remembering Shawn” time.
For many years I have been frustrated that I could not find the right card to send out to various folks going through difficulties. I call these cards my “Prayer/Care Cards”. I want to remind folks that someone cares and is praying for them, as they muddle through a difficult time. In years past, I bought many discounted cards, none of which I really liked. I like the personal touch. I have come up with my own phrases. I hope to make the photos into cards.
Here is an example: P.S. I have several colors, not just blue !!!
As I continued my drive towards Seaside, my disappointment lightened. I asked God to help me figure out how I could use all my prayer/care decorations? I had decided I was going to get up extra early in the mornings, walk to the beach and get photos finished before the sun would cast too many shadows to work around. Then my mind started to wander as I recalled the many sand sayings I had made for Shawn, since he died. In time I started making sayings for others, who wanted their precious person remembered. I love making sand sayings. I hope to get to make more sand sayings, for others not just myself. Mind you, it takes quite a bit of time. I hope to make my new sand sayings into cards to send out to those facing difficult times. Oh yes, I had brought Blotto on this beach trip, in hopes of getting more photos of her at various locations, if time allowed.
Bob came to Seaside, the following Monday afternoon. He knew how bummed I was to not get my various photos taken. During my kidney episode I was watching a movie. I do not know the title or what it was about. Only one small phrase: “that appalling desperation of wanting to keep the dying person with you.” I think that is why going to Rockaway is still so important. It is my special remembering place for Shawn. A lot of folks go to a cemetery. Bob gave me the idea of leaving very early Saturday morning and getting to Rockaway before car and people traffic picked up. What a great idea ! I was sure I could pull out some of my prayer/care suches to make more photos.
Just a few samples:
Here is something neat. I figured out what I can can do to contribute when with others. You see, I love washing dishes and doing laundry. So, while at Seaside with my family, I suggested they let me be the official dish washer and take care of the towels and wash cloths. I just wanted to find a way to lighten their load. And, guess what ? They let me !!! For me, it was easy to do those tasks with joy !!!
I must admit, there are times (many) when it seems God & I are not on the same page.
Friday evening before Bob left, it was noticed that my car had a flat front tire. Les Schwab was closed. The donut spare was put on. There was such a difference in size that I was not going to attempt driving to Rockaway. I would need to get my tire fixed Saturday morning, changing my plans, again, for a remembering Shawn photo. My brother-in-law said there must be a reason, trust God. As reality set in, the emotion pressures were weakening the doors that do a fair job of restraining my tear flows. Without warning the tears burst out. I was, so, ashamed. I’m sure it is hard for most to understand my need for remembering Shawn.
***Les Schwab, You Rock !!!***
I am kind-of struggling. I cannot see how God can use my strange life. I do not want folks wondering why Kathy shares everything. I believe I have mentioned before that I am using this platform so my family and friends can have a place to check in to see how I am doing~that way they don’t have to deal with my grief stuff ??? Also, maybe my sharing will help someone know they are not alone. Maybe (?) all my different ideas or things I learn along the way can be an encouragement to someone ?
The other day, I typed in on YouTube: sermons on moving through grief. Here is a message I found helpful: https://youtu.be/bx7lS9UkE0s Joel Osteen, :Don’t Waste Your Pain: It is well worth listening to.
At 16:59 Joel mentioned “puzzle”, which reminded me of a project I wanted to try. I took a children’s puzzle and painted over it. I chose a scripture that I need reminding of, often, and penned it the best I could. It did not turn out perfect, in-fact, it looked so much nicer before I cut the pieces apart. BUT, the words are pure comfort !!!